What difference does attitude make? More than you may think. This parable explains all:
The old Kansas farmer leaned against the fence that separated his rich farmland from the county road that led to the city, in the shade of an equally old oak tree. He wiped his brow, taking a brief rest from his hard mid-summer labors. A gentle breeze blew across his face, providing some respite but it was no match for the hot summer sun, which danced in mottled patches around his feet as the breeze jostled the oak leaves in the canopy above him.
A car appeared on the horizon. As it got closer, it slowed and pulled onto the shoulder across from him. A well-dressed man in his 40s opened the door of his late-model sedan and walked briskly over to the farmer. With a warm, genuine smile, he complemented the farmer’s many acres of fine crops. “This is a mighty fine spread you’ve got here, sir,” the stranger said. The man shook the farmer’s hand vigorously.
“Thank you, kind sir,” the farmer replied. There was something about his attitude and his energy that made the farmer take an immediate liking to him. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m moving to the city. I’ve got a new job there,” the stranger explained. “I was wondering if you could tell me: What sort of people live there? What are they like?”
The farmer thought for a minute, and asked the stranger: “Well, what kind of people do you have in the place where you came from?”
The stranger flashed a quick grin, remembering how fine those folks were. “They’re the nicest, hardest working and friendly bunch you’ve ever seen,” he replied confidently, as a wide grin crossed his face. “Any one of them would literally give you the shirt off of his back.”
The farmer considered this glowing recommendation, cracked a weathered smile and then replied, “Well, then those are the kind of people you’ll meet in the city.”
The stranger smiled approvingly, satisfied to hear that the city that beckoned at the end of his long journey would be a welcoming place, full of interesting people and new opportunities. He thanked the farmer, hopped in his car and drove off. A cloud of dust kicked up from the shoulder of the road still hung in the barely-moving air as the car receded to the size of a dot on the horizon.
Soon after, a second car came speeding down the country road and pulled over to its shoulder across from the farmer. The driver beeped his horn and lowered the passenger side window of his car. “Excuse me, sir. I was wondering if you could help me,” he shouted.
The old farmer ambled over to the side of the car. The driver was another middle-aged man. But this one looked looked like he had lived a much harder life than his first visitor. His forehead was furrowed with worry lines, and he wore a look of hard concern on his face. Judging by this stranger’s attitude, the farmer guessed that he didn’t smile very much. “Yes, sir, how can I help you?” the farmer asked.
“I’m on my way to the city. I’m relocating their for my job. I was wondering if you could tell me what the people are like there?”
The old farmer answered this familiar query with the same question he posed to the first stranger: “Before I answer that, tell me this: What are the folks like where you came from?”
The second stranger scowled, shook his head and replied disdainfully, “They’re the biggest bunch of cheats, liars and cheapskates I’ve ever seen in my life. I wouldn’t trust most of them any farther than I could throw them. Good riddance to bad rubbish. That’s what I say,” he added seriously.
“Well, then,” replied the farmer, pointing his finger at the second stranger, “Those are exactly the kind of people you’ll find in the city.” The stranger shook his head with a distasteful scowl, disgusted to think that the people he encountered in the city would be no better than the ne’er-do-wells he left behind.
“Well, thanks anyway,” the unhappy stranger replied. He rolled up his car window, cranked up the air conditioning and left in a similar cloud of dust, as the car turned back onto the steaming-hot blacktop. The farmer just stared off into the distance, reflecting for a moment upon the different attitudes of his visitors. He spat on the ground, shook his head slowly and walked back over to his tractor. “Time to get back to work,” he said.
What was this farmer doing?
Why did he tell the two strangers completely different stories about the people who lived in the city?
What he was doing in this parable was holding up a mirror to each of the men – reflecting their attitude back upon themselves. You see, the behaviors we exhibit are those that we expect to see in others. Invariably, others rise or fall to the level of our expectations. And we see what we expect to see, not realizing that it’s a “filtered” view of our world.
When I first head this parable, told in an Earl Nightingale audiotape series, it struck me deeply. It made me realize that I needed to be much more intentional in my outlook and attitude. I have always had a sunny disposition, but used to be an introvert. I realized as I thought about the farmer and the two strangers that I needed to step out of my shell more, to interact with others and to not be concerned with what they thought of me. In short, this parable enriched my life, as I hope it will yours.
What you focus on is your reality
Our mental focus is something like playing the children’s game of “counting red cars” on a long car trip. Once you focus on something, you see more of it. The same is true for people. If we expect to see rudeness and bad behavior, that’s what we tend to see around us. On the contrary, if we expect to encounter friendly, hard-working, considerate, supportive people, we’ll see more of them as well. It’s all a matter of our focus, the mental lens through which our perceptions of the world are colored.
If you want to make an impact and improve your career and your life, you’ll need to make an honest assessment of your attitude and the way you present yourself to the world. You may have to ask several people whom you trust to give you their gut-level reaction to the strengths and weaknesses of your personality, so you get an accurate picture of yourself.
Think about who gets ahead in your work. It tends to be extroverted people who do a good job of networking themselves internally and externally. They are more positive, connected and visible. So they tend to get picked for key promotions and projects. You don’t have to be a chameleon; in fact, it’s to your advantage to stand out in this environment. But look at your organization’s culture with a critical eye and figure out what others have done to be successful there. Then make plans to improve on that, to give it your own special “spin.”
In addition, I recommend that you keep in mind that many aspects of success in life are self-fulfilling prophesies. That is, they only benefit those who believe in them. For example, if you believe you’re creative, read books on brainstorming techniques and practice it with energy and dedication, chances are you’ll become more creative. If you’re positive and hopeful, and cultivate what I call in my book an “insight outlook,” you’ll tend to notice more opportunities.
Action step
Why not resolve to be more like the first stranger, with his sunny outlook and friendly manner? I have no doubt that he went on to be successful in the big city – just as you can be more influential, happy and successful in your life’s work.